Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more ...

IELTS Writing Task 2 & Answer: Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7013
Question:
Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer 1
It is important to consider the impact of studies and physical activities in life. Some people think parents should push their children to be spending their time primarily in physical activities; I believe that studies play an equally crucial role in the individual's life and should go hand-in-hand with physical tasks ...
By KK, 2021-02-22  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 283
Band: 6.5
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-The main ideas are extended and supported; the response is ok.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-There is a clear overall progression in the response, but somewhat mechanically, with occasional errors.Lexical Resources:
-Lexis is mainly appropriate for the task, though there are some errors in word choice and spelling.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a good range of complex structures, and many sentences have accurate grammar and punctuation.
Answer 2
It is no longer a hidden intention of parents in contemporary societies to sculpt their children into the best form to succeed in life. Their attention is fixed upon children's studies; however, some arguments arouse to claim that they deserve more time for physical activities rather than studying. I believe the ...
By LLL, 2021-02-20  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 337
Band: 6
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-The ideas presented are not always developed and or relevant; "mental health" and "physical activities" are different things.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Ideas are generally arranged coherently, and there is a clear overall progression.
Lexical Resources:
-The informal expressions in some sentences are not appropriate in this type of response.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and although errors occur, they rarely reduce communication.
Answer 3
Practicing physical exercise is becoming more popular nowadays. Some people believe that parents should encourage their children to spend more time doing physical activities than on studies. This essay will discuss why spending more time on physical activities is more beneficial than on studies.
Even though an ...
By Shana, 2021-02-22  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 333
Band: 6
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-All parts of the prompt are addressed, and a position is presented that is directly relevant to the prompt. But off-topic a little, "mental health" shouldn't be a part of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-There is a clear overall progression in the response, but somewhat mechanically, with occasional errors.
Lexical Resources:
-Lexis is mainly appropriate for the task, though there are some errors in word choice and spelling.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-Use a variety of complex structures, but the writing lacks grammatical control, and has obvious errors like "more stronger" in original version.
- Help Link
Answer 4
Nowadays, many parents discourage their children from studying and prefer to do some physical activities. There are many positives to doing physical activities, but there are many advantages to studying too.
On the one hand, children should know what their priorities are and keep a balance between studying and ...
By Pana, 2021-02-25  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 271
Band: 5.5
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-The prompt is not fully addressed, there is an attempt to discuss, but ideas are limited, and the essay's structure isn't balanced.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Some sentences are wordy to understand, and don't use referencing clearly or appropriately.
Lexical Resources:
-The lexical resource is limited, but just about adequate for the task, try to enhance IELTS vocabulary.
- Help Link
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and although errors occur, they rarely reduce communication.