Nowadays in many countries, the proportion of the older population is ...

IELTS Writing Task 2 & Answer: Nowadays in many countries, the proportion of the older population is higher than that of younger people. Is it a positive or negative development?

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7032
Question:
Nowadays in many countries, the proportion of the older population is higher than that of younger people. Is it a positive or negative development?
Answer 1
Recent studies show that age proportion in the population plays a vital role in the development of all countries. Also, it is assessed that in many nations, especially in the developed states retirement age population is higher than the young generation. This essay illustrates the effect of this trend on their progress ...
By Sinoj PX, 2021-06-03  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 317
Band: 7
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-All parts of the prompt are addressed, and a clear position is presented throughout the response.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is logical, and there is a clear central topic to each paragraph.
Lexical Resources:
-The lexical resource is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision, and although there are a few spelling errors.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a wide range of structures, these are used flexibly; however, the original version had some wordy sentences and small errors in grammar control.
Answer 2
Many authorities and policymakers have been working hard on account of lengthening the average lifespan of people. As a result, the proportion of older people becomes higher than that of younger ones. I am firm in my belief that it is a positive development, and I would like to elaborate on my perspective regarding ...
By Fatty, 2021-06-01  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 266
Band: 6.5
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-The prompt is not fully addressed, there is an attempt to discuss some benefits and disadvantages, but ideas are limited.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is logical, and there is a clear central topic to each paragraph.
Lexical Resources:
-The range of vocabulary is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision, and it shows an awareness of styles and collocation.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a wide range of structures, these are used flexibly; however, there are occasional errors.
Answer 3
In recent years, with the development of modern medicine and enhanced technologies, people's average life span is amplified day by day, causing the rise in the total number of elder people. This essay will highlight both the benefits and drawbacks resulting from such a change.
To begin with the positives, the older ...
By Manali, 2021-06-14  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 331
Band: 6.5
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-Off-topic a little, you should answer the question "a positive or negative development" directly.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is logical, and there is a clear central topic to each paragraph.
Lexical Resources:
-The range of vocabulary is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision, and it shows an awareness of styles and collocation.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a good range of complex structures, and many sentences have accurate grammar and punctuation.