Health professionals suggest older people spend more time socializing with others and playing sports to stay healthy, but many retired people have experienced loneliness

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers Let me try to write.
 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7050
Question:
Some health professionals suggest that older people spend more time socializing with others and playing sports to stay healthy. Still, many retired people have experienced loneliness and a lack of fitness. Why has this happened? What can be done to address this?
Answer Hints:
This question has two parts. The first question is to explain the reasons, and the second question is to give solutions. The difficulty of the topic is that it uses a parallel structure, Socializing with others and playing sports to stay healthy. You have to find common ground between the two things, and it is best not to discuss them separately.

Reasons
  • The older people live separately from their families. It is difficult to pay attention to their social life and health.
  • Older people are not very sociable, not very active, and have emotional and physical problems.
  • Communities do not have suitable activities for older people.
  • Difficult to establish contact with other members of the community.
Solutions
  • The communities organize more activities for older people.
  • The older people actively participate in socializing activities and sports to make new friends.
  • Encourage young people to spend more time with their parents and grandparents.
Answer 1
Although health professionals suggest that older adults need to exercise and socialize, some older people seldom do it...

Many retired people who have experienced loneliness find it hard to exercise or play sports regularly...

Furthermore, another reason for this is that senior adults commonly lack energy. Being old and weak is becoming the reason why they do not want to exercise...

However, there are several solutions to address or mitigate the trend. As a younger generation, we can help them by spending time assisting them in playing sports and communicating with others...

Overall, though some hindrances and circumstances inhibit older people from going outdoors, there are also things that we can do to make it happen...
Band: 7
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words30716654%
Top 300 Words178 (57%)66 (39%)37%
300 - 1000 Words49 (15%)36 (21%)73%
Over 1000 Words80 (26%)64 (38%)80%
Other Comments (annela)
Link Words: 27 (including link phrase: 1)
Sentences: Number: 19; Average Length: 93 characters; Words/Sentence: 16
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(15), exercise(5), them(5), old(5), can(5), people(4), this(4); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
Task Response:
-Ideas are usually expressed fully, but they sometimes need more support.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-It is an attempt to address the prompt, and some main ideas are put forward, but there is no discussion of socializing.
Lexical Resources:
-The lexical resource is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision, although there are a few choice errors.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-A variety of complex structures is used with some flexibility and accuracy.