In some countries, too much money is spent by both the government and individuals on national festivals, such as the new year. To what extent do you agree?

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 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7070
Question:
In some countries, too much money is spent by both the government and individuals on national festivals, such as the New Year. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer Hints:
You can either support or object to the view. On the supportive side, explain why not spend money on festivals. If opposed, explain why the money is not much or is justified. Pay attention to discussing on both the government and individuals.

Support
  • Many places are still short of money.
  • Festival consumption usually causes lots of waste.
  • Impact other investments and development chances.
Object
  • Festival consumption is positive for the economy.
  • Spending money to celebrate festivals adjusts stress in working.
  • Festivals activities add connections among both family and society.
Answer 1
Some think the government and individuals are spending too much on national festivals. While I agree that those celebrations cost significant money, I would argue that this activity is necessary and therefore can be considered acceptable...

Indeed, the government and individuals have spent much money on some of the country's main celebrations...

However, I believe there are significant benefits to public spending on national celebrations; therefore, it is entirely justifiable...

In conclusion, I'm afraid I have to disagree with the idea that people and governments are spending too much money on national occasions...
Band: 6
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words27012646%
Top 300 Words147 (54%)44 (34%)29%
300 - 1000 Words35 (12%)28 (22%)80%
Over 1000 Words88 (32%)54 (42%)61%
Other Comments (samylau)
Link Words: 22 (including link phrase: 0)
Sentences: Number: 14; Average Length: 121 characters; Words/Sentence: 19
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(8), that(6), celebrations(6), money(6), for(6), are(5), national(5); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
Task Response:
-The prompt is not fully addressed; there is an attempt to discuss your point, but ideas are limited.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is logical, and each paragraph has a clear central topic.
Lexical Resources:
-The lexical resource is limited, but just about adequate for the task, try to enhance IELTS vocabulary.
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