Some suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake unpaid work helping people in communities. Would the drawbacks be greater than the benefits?

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers Let me try to write.
 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7124
It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake unpaid work helping people in the community. Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults?
Answer Hints:
You should consider two sides, young adults and communities, and give your choice clearly. In general, the "drawbacks" view is easy to be accepted. If we dislike unpaid jobs, why do we require young boys or girls to take them? Just because their voice is weak?

For young adults
  • Unpaid jobs hurt the motivation of young adults to learn how to work.
  • Unpaid jobs lessen the chance to make money and use money for youth who need these experiences to grow up.
  • Unfair treatment impacts the view of the adult world in youth, especially in their own communities.
  • Any forced unpaid jobs are to exploit laborers, whether adults or young adults.
For communities
  • The communities are to raise the next generation, not take them as unpaid workforce.
  • Unpaid youth will have negative feelings for their communities.
  • The community task should be done with a regular budget; unpaid jobs degrade the service quality.
Answer 1
Letting all young adults undertake some unpaid work helping people in the community isn't a good idea to build the next generation or society...

First and foremost, laboring for payment is a cornerstone of life for the working class. It will mislead youth that any adult asks them to work unpaid...

Instead, teenagers need more motivation to learn how to work in their free time. Working is a bridge to link them to society and the future...

In the view of communities, unpaid jobs may offer more workforces. But their service quality is low, and the managing cost is high...

In my opinion, youth taking unpaid work to help people in the community has more drawbacks for both sides...
Band: 7
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words44420445%
Top 300 Words240 (54%)67 (32%)27%
300 - 1000 Words72 (16%)45 (22%)62%
Over 1000 Words132 (29%)92 (45%)69%
Other Comments (ricklee)
Link Words: 33 (including link phrase: 0)
Sentences: Number: 27; Average Length: 95 characters; Words/Sentence: 16
IELTS Essay Format:
-The essay is too long, try to shrink it.
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(18), more(8), for(7), unpaid(6), would(6), work(5), people(5); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
Task Response:
-This is a well-organized essay, presenting ideas on both sides and developing these ideas effectively throughout the response, but the essay is too long.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is evident, and cohesive devices are used, though mechanically.
- Help Link
Lexical Resources:
-The lexical resource is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision, although there are a few choice errors.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-Grammatical control is variable: some complex structures are produced accurately.