Some suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake unpaid work helping people in communities. Would the drawbacks be greater than the benefits?

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers Let me try my essay.
 IELTS Academic Essay Answers - #7124
It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community. Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults?
Answer Hints:
You should consider two sides, young adults and communities, and give your choice clearly. In general, the "drawbacks" view is easy to be accepted. If we dislike unpaid jobs, why do we require young boys or girls to take them? Just because their voice is weak?

For young adults
  • Unpaid jobs hurt the motivation of young adults to learn how to work.
  • Unpaid jobs lessen the chance to make money and use money for youth who need these experiences to grow up.
  • Unfair treatment impacts the view of the adult world in youth, especially in their own communities.
  • Any forced unpaid jobs are to exploit laborers, whether adults or young adults.
For communities
  • The communities are to raise the next generation, not take them as unpaid workforce.
  • Unpaid youth will have negative feelings for their communities.
  • The community task should be done with a regular budget; unpaid jobs degrade the service quality.
Answer 1
Letting all young adults undertake some unpaid work helping people in the community isn't a good idea to build the next generation or society. The drawbacks for both sides are evident and proven in some countries. I agree that having a job is a rewarding way for teenagers to spend their free time and a great way to ...
By Rick Lee, 2023-11-11  View full answer - Revised by tutor
Total words: 457
Band: 7
The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Task Response:
-This is a well-organized essay, presenting ideas on both sides, developing these ideas effectively throughout the response, but the essay is too long, suggest to shrink it.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is evident and cohesive devices are used, though rather mechanically.
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Lexical Resources:
-The lexical resource is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision, and although there are a few choice errors.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-Grammatical control is variable: some complex structures are produced accurately.