Nowadays, many young people are attracted to dangerous sports such as snowboarding or mountain biking. What makes these sports so attractive? What measures should be taken to minimize the risks?
Nowadays, dangerous sports have been gaining more popularity worldwide, and participants take part in these sports with full of zeal and enthusiasm. But the majority of people ponder that these types of thrilling sports are harmful to players' life. This essay will discuss why people ardent to participate in perilous ...
Total words: 372
Band: 6The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.Task Response:
-All parts of the prompt are addressed, but the solution part is too weak; the essay's structure isn't balanced.Coherence and Cohesion:
-The organization is evident and cohesive devices are used, though rather mechanically, Lexical Resources:
-Lexis is mainly appropriate for the task.Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-Some grammatical errors, such as nouns (singular, plural).
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Playing sports lead to an active and healthy lifestyle. In this world of innovation, everybody has become a slave of growing technology. To take some time apart from the technical world, sports are playing a great role. However, some sports such as Hockey, Football, and many more are proved as extremely dangerous for ...
Total words: 293
Band: 5.5The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
The essay has 4 dangling modifiers, like "To avoid this". The grammar has room to refine. Besides, the question is about why some like "dangerous" sports, not sports have risks.
Extreme sports are becoming more favourite among youngsters in recent decades. Although danger is the nature of these games, none wants to be hurt. So challenge but in safe way...
Total words: 271
- High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 1 as start point.
- Suggest to refine coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
No doubt, everything in life has two sides, the good and bad. Sports are just another example, in some cases, it can be life-threatening, but still, a lot of people find it very...
Total words: 321
- High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Conclusion as start point.
- Suggest to use a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.