Television dominates the free time for too many people

IELTS Writing Task 2 & Answer

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 IELTS General Essay Answers - #4017
Question:
Television dominates the free time for too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socializing with others. Do you agree or disagree?
Answer 1
Today media plays a crucial role in everyday life. People spend more and more time on favourite shows, soap operas and music programmes. I think it negatively impacts on our...
By Sana Khalid, 2018-01-21  View full answer
Total words: 240
Band: NA
  • The essay is less than 250, doesn't match the basic criteria.
  • Suggest to refine coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
Answer 2
Television plays a major part in the majority of peoples’ lives; soap operas, sports programmes, music programmes, everyone has their favourites. However, watching television...
By Jiabao Lam, 2017-10-01  View full answer
Total words: 308
Band: NA
  • The conclusion is wordy, suggest to simplify it.
  • You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has OUR(9) AND(9) TELEVISION(7); try to decrease duplicated words.
  • High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Conclusion as start point.
  • Suggest to use a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.