Question: Television dominates the free time for too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socializing with others. Do you agree or disagree?
Answer 1
Today media plays a crucial role in everyday life. People spend more and more time on favourite shows, soap operas and music programmes. I think it negatively impacts on our...
The essay is less than 250, doesn't match the basic criteria.
Suggest to refine coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
Answer 2
Television plays a major part in the majority of peoples’ lives; soap operas, sports programmes, music programmes, everyone has their favourites. However, watching television...
You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has OUR(9) AND(9) TELEVISION(7); try to decrease duplicated words.
High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Conclusion as start point.
Suggest to use a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Introduction seems too plain, try to polish it.