Some people believe that individuals over 65 should not be allowed to continue working; others think that people should be allowed to work for as long as they choose.

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 IELTS General Essay Answers - #7035
Question:
Some people believe that individuals over 65 should not be allowed to continue working. Others think people should be allowed to work for as long as they choose. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Answer Hints:
You should discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Not be allowed to continue working
  • Seniors' performance may be down, especially in labor jobs.
  • Give the young generation chances to up to senior positions.
  • Keep seniors' rights to retire on time.
  • Seniors can still contribute to society or families over 65 retirements.
Allowed to work over 65
  • Many seniors over 65 are still healthy enough to continue working.
  • Seniors' experiences and knowledge are key assets in some organizations.
  • The workforce is in shortage in many countries, encourage seniors to keep working is being a world trend.
Answer 1
Compulsory retirement age is a widely implemented policy in many countries, according to which senior workers are statutorily obliged to resign from their posts and start receiving their pension...

One possible reason aged employees should not be allowed to continue working is their deteriorating health conditions...

In the meantime, older people can derive job satisfaction from what they have been doing for a long time...

In conclusion, the compulsory retirement age is reasonable, given older people's degenerating health and prospective unemployment for young citizens...
Band: 8
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Answer 2
Many nowadays think that the government should not allow seniors after 65 to perform their work duties, while others claim that people should have rights as long as they wish...

On the one hand, one of the senior employees allowed to work after retirement could be extremely useful for the future generation...

Nevertheless, some valuable arguments are admitted above working seniors after a certain age could impede youngsters' development and provide economic downsize...

In conclusion, rare instances aside, working seniors after the age of 65 could benefit both the government and society; in most cases, they should be prohibited from working after retirement age...
Band: 7
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words35120257%
Top 300 Words149( 42%)45( 22%)30%
300 - 1000 Words52( 14%)41( 20%)78%
Over 1000 Words150( 42%)116( 57%)77%
Other Comments (farid)
Link Words: 32 (including link phrase: 2)
Sentences: Number: 12; Average Length: 192 characters; Words/Sentence: 29
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The essay is too long, try to shrink it.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
Task Response:
-All parts of the prompt are addressed, and a position directly relevant to the prompt is presented. Still, the example 'senior employees pay less attention' isn't good enough to support your view.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Each paragraph has a clear central topic, which is developed, and there is an effective use of cohesive devices.
Lexical Resources:
-The range of vocabulary is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision, showing an awareness of styles and collocation. But sentences are wordy.
Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms with a fair degree of accuracy.