Some think domestic history is more important for schoolchildren than world history. In my opinion, I agree with this view. But I also believe that children learning about stories of other countries will help them understand their own history.
On the one hand, I am in favor of the idea that studying own national ...
Band: 7The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.Task Response:
-Ideas relating to each sector mentioned in the prompt are presented, but there is not much development of some; you had better use generic examples for international readers.Coherence and Cohesion:
-Each paragraph has a clear central topic, which is developed, and there is an effective use of cohesive devices.Lexical Resources:
-The lexical resource is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision, and although there are a few spelling errors.Grammar Range and Accuracy:
-There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and although errors occur, they rarely reduce communication.