It's more important for school children to learn about their local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers Let me try to write.
 IELTS General Essay Answers - #7075
Question:
It's more important for school children to learn about their local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer Hints:
It's an agree or disagree question. For political correctness, you had better agree with it. Besides, your examples should be nice for international readers.

Local History
  • Learn one's own history and experience
  • Be familiar with cultural roots
  • Develops a sense of cultural identity.
World History
  • Broaden horizons, learn the history, customs, and culture of different countries
  • Study the achievements of other countries
  • Get along well with people from other countries.
Answer 1
Some think domestic history is more important for schoolchildren than world history. I agree with this view...

On the one hand, I agree that studying one's national history brings many merits. The first advantage is that it helps them memorize the original point and understand the cultural country...

On the other hand, there are several compelling reasons learning about other country's past also plays a vital role...

In conclusion, I believe children should take domestic history as a high-priority study. However, as a new generation, they must have an international view...
Band: 6.5
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words29114650%
Top 300 Words149 (51%)56 (38%)37%
300 - 1000 Words66 (22%)37 (25%)56%
Over 1000 Words76 (26%)53 (36%)69%
Other Comments (neyasha)
Link Words: 25 (including link phrase: 0)
Sentences: Number: 19; Average Length: 95 characters; Words/Sentence: 15
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(12), history(9), other(6), countries(6), for(5), they(5), world(4); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
-Suggest refining coherence and cohesion by removing wordy linking words.
Task Response:
-Ideas relating to each sector mentioned in the prompt are presented, but there is not much development of some; you had better use generic examples for international readers.
Coherence and Cohesion:
-Each paragraph has a clear central topic, which is developed, and there is an effective use of cohesive devices.
Lexical Resources:
-The lexical resource is sufficient to allow some flexibility and precision.