In some counties, when someone gets old, they often go to live in a home with other older people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?
It is irrefutable that the expenditure of greying society has become a debatable issue for all over the world. Some people believe that higher authority should be responsible after retirement age, whereas opponents argue that people should be accountable for themselves. Although in my view, the civic body has to ...
Total words: 478
Band: 6The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Writing is ok, but the reasoning has a logic bug. The question is about "retired people", not about those who once served the country. So some support points miss the focus.
It was said that money is not God but not more than God. Some people said that the government should support the retired people both medical and financial although, others think that they have to care for themselves. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail and provide evidence why the government ...
Total words: 251
Band: 5The below version has fixed some obvious lexical and grammatical defects. The band is by the revised version, but comments are based on the original version.
Try to add another supporting paragraph. Rewrite the conclusion.
Old people are important part of the society and old homes are very prevalent in modern countries. Seniors prefer to live there because of better facilities. Some think that...
Total words: 248
- The essay is less than 250, doesn't match the basic criteria.
- The introduction seems long, refine sentences.
- The conclusion is wordy, suggest to simplify it.
- High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Introduction as start point.
- Suggest to use a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level. E.g., Conclusion seems too plain, try to polish it.
A visible change of any living organism is getting older. Child, youth, adult and elder are some of the stages in our life. Child and elderly stages are dependent stages...
Total words: 345
- The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
- You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has PARENTS(15) THEIR(11) FOR(9); try to decrease duplicated words.
- High ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing, suggest to rephrase some of them. You can try to rewrite Paragraph 3 as start point.