Computer games are very popular in all ages and nations

IELTS Writing Task 2 (Essay): Hints and Sample Answers Let me try to write.
 IELTS General Essay Answers - #6847
Question:
Computer games are very popular in all ages and nations. Parents think it has little educational value and more harmful effects. What is your opinion about this? Give examples based on your own experience.
Answer 1
The unprecedented growth of technology has changed every aspect of life, and the computer game is one of them...

Undoubtedly, there are a number of opposing sides to computer games for all folks. First and foremost, it is vital for the new generation...

On the other hand, those who believe that it is some positive points for the youngster. Many people advocate that in the virtual world, the way of education is changing day by day...

In my ideology, there is no doubt that the demerits are more of virtual games than the merits. It is the onus of parents to give proper guidance to children on the correct use of mobile phones and stimulate the interest of juveniles in outdoor activities such as football, cricket, and hockey rather than spend time with palm gadgets...

To conclude, the development of technology is to ease the lives of people rather than burgeoning problems; it is the onus of youngsters to learn how to use it...
Band: 6.5
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Word Statistics
GroupWord NumberDistinctPercent
All Words48221344%
Top 300 Words253 (52%)61 (28%)24%
300 - 1000 Words65 (13%)43 (20%)66%
Over 1000 Words164 (34%)109 (51%)66%
Other Comments (jarry)
Link Words: 27 (including link phrase: 6)
Sentences: Number: 28; Average Length: 103 characters; Words/Sentence: 17
Suggestions:
IELTS Essay Format:
-The essay is too long, try to shrink it.
-The conclusion is too simple, rewrite to summarize your points.
-You should avoid using common words repeatedly, and show your grammatical range and accuracy as possible. The essay has and(12), that(8), technology(7), computer(7), for(7), games(6), has(5); try to decrease duplicated words.
-High-ratio basic sight words may degrade your writing; suggest rephrasing some.
-Suggest using a few rare or uncommon words to demonstrate your vocabulary range and level.
Task Response:
-Try to refine some wordy sentences and balance the structure; it should get a higher mark.